eleanor could be anybody

I am a good teacher. i listen to my students. if more people listened to the students, my job would be easier; but my job is hard because if i want to be the best teacher for my students, it means i have to fight for what i know to be good teaching. i have to fight to teach lessons that dont come in a can with simple directions. i have to fight for the things that matter to my kids, for things they want to do in school, and my kids DONT want to take another standardized test.

i am a good teacher and i know i cant survive in this profession much longer. that means that there are many good teachers out there like me who realize the same thing: I cant keep giving all that i have to a system that will not support me or my students’ best interests. when i look at my kids i dont see a whole class of people who are enjoying the opportunities they deserve. when i look at my students i think about all of the apologies they are owed for the marginalized treatment they have to endure, for the standardization of their identities, I want to apologize for the teachers who taught them to hate reading, the ones who convinced them that they cant write, i want to apologize for every time they had an opinion and someone told them to be silent because that was not the answer in the text book. I want to say i am sorry that someone thinks that if we can measure it with a number, it must mean they are learning (or failing to learn). i want to say sorry for the boxes they have to fill with answers to questions about words that have no relevance to their lives. i want to apologize for all of the people in the education system who do not listen to them. and then i want to apologize for the fact that i dont have any more energy to fight for them, that i cant sacrifice any more of myself because i am not strong enough, that i cant stay here any more.

this is what many good teachers are forced to contend with, and eventually escape. and who will have to stay here in this vacuum where individuality and creativity are thrown away to make room for penciled in bubbles? the students will, and no one will listen to them.